Searching frantically on your table,
Smelling your scent in your cupboard,
Feeling the fissures your body has made everywhere,
I see you here, I see you there but you still get out of my grasp.
Shared memories float above, trying to envelop me in their cloud of joy
But I am lost in the alleys of grief, in the maze of hurt.
As I let go off the final remains of your earthly body,
The holy river promising me peace, takes you away, far away from me.
One moment I was touching you,
Proud for having a son others rarely had.
The next moment I was holding your ashes
That reminded me of the illusion called life.
Tears swell within me,
Bubbles of sadness burst into hot lava
Burning my soul as my heart remembers you.
Why me? Why you? Why death at all?
I search for answers to questions that lie buried deep
In the debris of my bruised spirit.
My pack of cards has come crumbling down
Even as He deals a new pack elsewhere!
Why this discrimination? I ask of Him.
He had to go my child, He says.
He came to give you joy!
Happiness comes and goes, He says.
Memories will last forever of your boy!
15 comments:
Parents are not meant to outlive their children and to lose one surely is one of the worst griefs we can suffer. Your plaintive pain is felt here and my response is great. Time takes away the acuteness but never washes away the yearning and the loss.
Sending you peace and healing in this season and for the new year. Gay @beachanny
oh my - this touched deeply - i could feel your heart in this and just don't know what to say..
I have never read or felt the intensity of such grief before. I pray for your relief.
Michael
Thank you Gay. Time indeed heals, they say but for some the wound stays in there forever.
Thank you Claudia. That you could feel the pain too is enough...
Thank you Michael. Your prayers will help a whole family..
Very very touching poem. Brought me close to tears. The grief and pathos is unmistakably very close felt and I could feel it too. Shail, it is a reminder that there is so much we do not know about the seemingly-happy-people we meet everyday...
"My pack of cards has come crumbling down
Even as He deals a new pack elsewhere!"
How beautiful these lines are!
Thanks Smita. I agree. We are not what we are from outside. How much emotion we hold back, only the person knows.
Intense, grievous rush.
Your poem tugs at the heartstrings. Very well expressed. Can feel it.
sad is not the right word but I can think of no other at the moment. your metaphors of grief were beautifully expressed. I wish you love and peace this holiday season and always, Shail.
Thanks Adam. I am glad that the poem could move you so...
Thanks Sheila. I could find no other way than this composition to express pain.
Glad the poem touched you so.....
Wishing you peace too.
this cut hard and deep....my wife lost her brother and the pain for her parents was the worst i had ever seen...he was their first born son...as others say the parent does not want to or expect to outlive their children...as a poem this was wonderfully expressed and written...thanks for sharing...all the best pete
Thanks Peter for sharing too. Death is terrible when least expected and when it takes away your child. Although we know that it is a final reality in all our lives but as you said, when people outlive their children, then their pain is indeed hard, very painful.
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